she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
