I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
