Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
