Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
