were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
