I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
