Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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