Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
