I met the friendliest cop last night
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
