Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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