i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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