my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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