the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
