You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
