that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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