my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
There are leaves in my underwear?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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