So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
