Sry I called you an 8
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
