I just pynch a tree in the face
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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