remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
