Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My life is pants optional.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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