I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
