So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
