yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
