life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
