you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
