AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
