I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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