:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
