Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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