the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
