Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
