You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
