I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
