i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
