i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
