Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize