I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
