to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
