glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
In other news, I just burned my penis
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
