I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
