I'm eating all of the evidence.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
