So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
