Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
