You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize