Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
