Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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