You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
