her vagine was all disorganized.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
