he wants to bone in the snuggie
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
