my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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