Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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