Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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