Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
