And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize