College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
