That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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