Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
