I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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