you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
