If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
