Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
