That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
