He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
