I think i peed on brittanys purse
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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