There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
