I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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