i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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