I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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