yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
