I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
