actually, I'm a sock model
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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