i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
