i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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