I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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